Cultivating Self-Compassion

Cultivating Self-Compassion

  • Self-Compassion
    • Self-compassion is an internal process of bringing love, mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness to our experience.
      • "self-directed neural plasticity"
    • Opposite of self-compassion: self-criticism, self-judgment
    • Countering the "I'm not good enough" voice
      • Distinction: discerning mind (paying clear attention to/awareness of ourselves, can prompt change in behavior) vs. self-criticism (harsh, negative, critical; aversion, reactivity)
      • Self-compassion is not self-esteem; self-compassion = "I am okay even with my flaws;" gently confronting painful experiences, when life falls short of expectations.
    • An infinite ocean of compassion is only possible in the presence of an infinite ocean of self-compassion.
  • Creating Self-Compassion
    1. Mindfulness
      • Helps with increasing awareness and decreasing the critical voice 
        • By noticing, we can know not to take it personally.
      • Mindfulness as our refuge.
      • Don't believe everything you think!!
      • Get off the thought train.  Watch it go by.
      • All of the thoughts will pass.  Cultivate kind responses.
    2. Practices that cultivate Kindness
      • Changing the default of our thinking to kindness.
      • "Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice.  Without it, all efforts at love fail."
    3. Common Humanity
      • Recognizing that we are not the only one.
      • How many millions of people are going through the same thing, right now?
    4. Recognition of our Inner Goodness
      • Inclining our mind to the positive - about others and ourselves!
      • We are all "perfectly imperfect," good, and worthy of love.
      • Core of who we are isn't flawed.  We are good.  We are love.
  • Practices
    • Writing Exercise:
      • Think of an area in which you experience self-judgment, or a feeling of inadequacy.  Write about it, write about the feeling in your body as you write.
      • Disidentify with this.  These are just thoughts, and they are not personal.
      • Part 2: Think of a person who you consider to be the embodiment of compassion.  Write from their perspective, what you think they would say.  
      • Feed the self-compassion wolf. *
      • Knowing that we can be our own compassionate friend.

* This refers to a story in which a grandfather describes to his grandson two wolves fighting inside him: one that is evil (angry, jealous, vengeful, and miserable), and one that is good (peaceful, kind, joyful, and happy).  The boy asks, "Which wolf will win?"  The grandfather answers, "The wolf you feed." *

Notes from MARC Day of Mindfulness: "Cultivating Self-Compassion," led by Diana Winston, July 14, 2018.

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